A major issue that effects so many young teens & pre-teens in this world today is bullying. When I was a kid, we didn't have the cell-phones & internet that's available today; in this day & age of vastly updated technology, these kids cannot get away from any hurtful words or comments that others feel the need to barrage them with. To say that it sad or unfortunate doesn't even begin to describe it, & perhaps those that have never been bullied have a severe lack of understanding about just what a serious issue it has become. However, that does not excuse the fact that many bullying cases are ignored, & those that are addressed are done so only after a young life has been taken because of it.
Here's my story about the bullying that I endured as a young teen, & the bullying that I sometimes still endure today. Please understand that I am not looking for sympathy, my main goal is that this reaches those of you who have been bullied & are still struggling with the after-effects, & also those that are being bullied today. I hope that perhaps it helps, even in some small way....
It started when I was in the 6th grade..At that time, grade six was not offered at any middle schools in the district I was zoned for, therefore we were all bused across town to a "6th grade center". I was bullied every day at the bus stop by a group of boys; they called me names, threw rocks at me, & harassed me on the bus to & from school. The bus driver did nothing, my so-called friends at the time did nothing, & sadly, when I told the school principal, she also did nothing. I was also friends with a girl at the time ( I went to school with her all the way through middle school) who could either be your best friend or your absolute worst enemy. If she decided she was angry at you ( many times for reasons that were unbeknownst to me), she would not only egg the others on, but participate as well.
Needless to say, 6th grade year wasn't pleasant or easy, & I was ecstatic when it was finally over! That summer before entering middle school, I got my braces put on, & I was feeling positive about the next school year.....That all came crashing down the 2nd week of 7th grade; I was not only bullied by some of the usual jack-asses, but a few new ones as well. I wore a lot of black back then ( still do to this very day), & there was a girl who decided that was a major problem for her. I didn't know her, I hadn't done anything to her, & for the longest time, I didn't even know her name, none of that mattered, nor did it stop her from threatening me every day. That is not an exaggeration either, it was literally EVERY school day! Her threat? "Don't wear black to school tomorrow, wear pink". "If you wear any black to school tomorrow, I'm going to beat your ass".
First of all, I absolutely despise pink! I have for as long as I can remember, but I have nothing against anyone else who wears it, nor would I judge or bully them for doing so! I was in state of shock as to how & why someone could be so cruel, & over something so incredibly petty & STUPID to boot! I could not wrap my head around how you could hate someone you didn't even know, relentlessly harass then on a daily basis, & (seemingly) take pleasure in doing so! So no, 7th grade didn't bring the positive changes I had hoped for, & even though it did dissipate a little, I'm sorry to say that 8th grade wasn't much better.
Fast forward to high school...It was a lot easier because I had brothers & a sister there, plus I was much more comfortable in my own skin, had developed my own sense of style, & made some pretty cool like-minded friends as well. As much as I would love to tell you that's where the bullying ended, I can't. We all have those particular "friends" from our past that we wish we had never met, & I had 2 of them in specific that bullied & manipulated me at every turn. I met them as potential friends, & I'm sure they regarded me as one; one they could push around because they knew damn well I wouldn't fight back.
Did I fight back eventually? Finally yes, I did, but it was a long road of bullshit before I used the voice that I always had but never exercised. Why? I was gullible for one, & I also knew how it felt to be bullied & refused to ever become that person, much less even come close!
Fast-forward again...It's 22 years later, I have tattoos, multiple piercings ( in just my ears now), my hair has been numerous colors, so in short, no, it wasn't some sort of "phase" I was going through. My appearance is indeed very much part of who I am, but only a fraction, & what's sad is that even today I still continue to get nasty looks, negative comments, & cruel remarks. Granted, I have a YouTube channel where I do makeup tutorials that aren't "Jane Normal", & yes, I am 100% aware that everyone is entitled to their opinion, & yes, everyone has one. It could very well be written off as "Haters are always going to hate", but does that make it right, un-cruel, or any less hurtful? No, it doesn't, & some days it does indeed get very discouraging. However, I'm pleased to say that more often than not, there are a few key things that I remember, & more often than not, they do in fact keep me from getting overly upset about the blatant stupidity of others...
1.) People are ignorant to what they don't understand: If you choose to step outside the box as far as what most consider to be "normal", they unfortunately judge you without knowing anything about you. You would like to think that people can act like the adults they supposedly are, mind their own business, & adopt the "live & let live" attitude, but that sadly doesn't always apply. However, it doesn't mean that there's a damn thing wrong with you, so take pride in who you are & remember that they don't know you, & chances are that you wouldn't want to associate with them anyway.
2.) They feed off of getting you upset: Seeing your anger, frustration & tears gives these jack-asses more power, their goal is to break you down, for that makes them feel better about themselves. I agree that it's easier said than done, but please try & remember that you're not the one with the problem. Anyone who takes pleasure from being cruel & harassing others clearly has bigger self-esteem issues then they'll ever admit.
3.) Walking away &/or not responding does NOT make you a coward: There is absolutely nothing wrong with defending yourself, & you have every right to- but pick your battles. The moronic insults of jack-asses should mean ZERO to you, & ignoring them really pisses them off- for it makes them look like an even bigger ass! Remember, they WANT a response, it's fuel for their fire, & contrary to what some might think, walking away takes courage. When it comes to the laughs, nasty looks, & snickers, please believe me when I tell you that they are NOT WORTH IT!
4.) Unique is AWESOME! : If you're comfortable with how you look, your parents are supportive about it, & the people that do know you & love you have no problem with it, keep on keepin' on! Anyone who harasses, insults, ridicules, or makes fun of you for being different instead of getting to know you by offering the hand of friendship isn't worth an ounce of your breath or a second of your time! Also, this bs about slapping a label on someone " Oh, you're Gothic"?"You must be a morbid freak", "You're EMO"? You must be gay".....seriously? And plus the fact, who CARES?! That doesn't mean that they're not worthy of being your friend, & has nothing to do with their potential to be a great one!
Far too many beautiful, talented young kids have lost their lives due to the relentless bullying they have endured. At the tender ages they are, it is extremely difficult for these young kids to tolerate constant bullying when they are just beginning to find themselves. They are not being allowed to prosper & grow, for all they are forced to experience is the pain of the cruelty that is being thrown at them in school, online, etc. day after day. To be bullied to the point of taking the tragic measures they have is NOT ok; words have an impact, these young ones are very impressionable & want to be accepted, as we all do. There are parents that tirelessly share the stories of their loved ones, for these young teens can no longer do so- their families are now their voice.
To those of you who are being bullied, I can only hope that this blog reaches you, & I also have the hopes that if so, it helps in some way. It DOES get better, & please remember that there ARE people who care, you are loved! There is also help available, so please TELL SOMEONE! And of you know of someone who is being bullied, do not feel as though you are betraying their trust by keeping that terrible secret- you could very well be a part in getting them help & saving their life.
To those of you who feel it is necessary to bully, I strongly urge you to remember this: Words can & do indeed hurt, they have power, & they can break down & destroy. It is NOT the least bit cute, amusing, cool, funny, or right to bully another individual; if anything, it is one of most cruel & cowardly things you can possibly do. Reach out your hand in friendship, get to know someone, for there is so much that lies inside someone's heart. Outer appearance is nothing more than an expression of someone's personal style, be willing to look beyond that, be accepting, & be the someone that makes a positive difference! You never know if you could be missing out on a truly great friend by judging before knowing, making assumptions will get you nowhere, & harassment DOES equal cruelty.
There is a dear friend of mine who lost her 14 year-old son in 2010 to suicide, He tragically took his own life after being relentlessly bullied for five years. His name is Brandon E. Bitner, & I urge you all to please visit his memorial Facebook page & Website, & please read & share his story...
Brandon Bitner Memorial Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ripbrandonbitner?ref=hl
Brandon Bitner Memorial Website: http://www.brandonbitner.org/
You can also find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/purplepeepleeater75?ref=hl
My YouTube channel ( which is dedicated in part to the memory of Brandon Bitner):
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKlvj4oSDaI5cG_wX9tPz6g
THANK YOU FOR READING!
